Q&A: Should I Have A Second Child?
Economist, mom, and author Emily Oster, PhD answers a question about deciding to have a second child or not.
By Emily Oster, PhD
Dear Emily,
My husband and I are grappling with a difficult decision. I’m 36 years old and have a 2.5 year old son. We’ve come to a point where we need to decide soon whether to have another child and we’re having a really hard time deciding. Are we one and done or do we want to escalate to the “next level of parenting”? I’m healthy, my pregnancy wasn’t terrible (but I didn’t like it) and we’re financially secure. But there are so many other aspects that go into this (do I want to give up the freedom I just regained, what type of lifestyle do we want as a family, will it affect our marriage, will I be withholding something from my son for selfish reasons, etc.). Not to mention the real stigma’s against only children and frankly their parents (“Oh, you don’t like being a mother, you don’t want to give your son a sibling?”). I’d love your perspective about how to approach such a big decision.
— Mom of 1 (For Now)
I think you’re doing a pretty good job approaching it, but let’s smooth it out a bit.
Frame the Question: At some level, your question is “Should we have another child now, or not?” As usual, the main issue is to fill in the “or not” with something concrete. I think what you are asking is “Should we have another child now or not have any more children?” (Which is a concrete question so, good). For others, the question may be more like “Should we have another child now, or have another child next year?” or “Should we have another child now or wait to re-evaluate next year?”
