Please Don’t Tell Your Friends Going Through IVF To “Relax”
Here’s what to say and do instead.
When people hear that someone they know and love is beginning fertility treatments, an all too common piece of “advice” they love to offer is “relax.”
“Relax, and it’ll happen.”
“Relax, and enjoy ourselves.”
“Relax, and stop putting so much pressure on yourselves.”
There are so many things that women who are undergoing IVF need to hear, but I promise you, “relax” isn’t one of them. It doesn’t even make the top of the list. It’s counterproductive, and it’s hurtful, and it’s downright annoying. It might be rooted to try and say something positive, not to jump down a rabbit hole of the unpredictable nature that is one’s fertility, but it doesn’t do that.
It just makes the hopeful mother-to-be feel bad.
It ignores part of the story, too — like the endless blood tests, sonograms, and doctor appointments. It ignores that there could be a problem with your hormones, with your egg quality, with your husband/partner’s sperm. It doesn’t encompass the realities that come with having a blocked tube, or recurrent miscarriage, or a unicornuate reproductive system.